Where does a monkey go to get a new tail?

The retail store

What do you call a monkey holding a bomb?

A babboom

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. “The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.

The man sympathized with her and said, “Why, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say things to insult passengers.”

“You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.”

“That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold your monkey.”

What did the banana say to the monkey?

Nothing. Bananas don’t talk!

What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a parrot?

Polly wants a cracker NOW!!!

(more…)

Professor QB’s Funny Five

Why didn’t Moses take any Howler Monkey’s on the Ark? click to show

When Aaron threw Moses’ rod on the ground it became a snake. What would it have become if he had thrown it into the Nile?click to show

What is the moral of the story of Jonah and the Big Fish?click to show

Where does the Jordon River sleep?click to show

How does the Sea of Galilee say hello?click to show

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Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.

Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

What did the banana say to the elephant?
Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.

How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana?
Try picking it up. If you can’t, it’s either a monster or a real BIG banana.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date.

They’re not going to grow bananas any longer.
Really? Why not?
Because they’re long enough already.

Why did the clown lose his job in a fruit packing company?
He kept throwing the bent bananas away.

What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside ?
A banana dressed up as a cucumber!

Fun Banana Snack Idea

With no stove-top cooking or chopping required, this frozen banana recipe is truly for families.

Ingredients

• 3 bananas
• Ice-cream sticks
• 2 chocolate bars, weighing about 1 1/2 ounces each
• 1 cup of pre-chopped nuts, crushed cereal, or shredded coconut

Directions

Peel the bananas and remove any stringy fibers. Cut the bananas in half, widthwise, and push an ice-cream stick through the cut end of each half. Cover them in plastic wrap and freeze for about 3 hours.

After the bananas are frozen, place the chocolate bars in a microwave-proof bowl and cook on High for about 2 minutes, or until the chocolate melts. Check after one minute. Stir in the nuts, cereal, or coconut. Using a butter knife, spread the chocolate mixture over the frozen bananas to coat them completely. Be careful while the mixture is still hot. Kids can roll them in more topping (this is messy but fun).

Rest the pops on a plate covered with waxed paper and freeze until ready to serve. Makes 6 pops

Professor QB’s Funny Five

Why didn’t Noah go fishing? click to show

Why couldn’t anyone on the Ark play cards?click to show

Did Noah really have big lights attached to the top of the Ark?click to show

Methuselah was the oldest man who ever lived. He was 969 years old when he died. But, this is weird, he died before his father did. How is that possible?click to show

Did the Prophet Jeremiah have a horse and if so, what was the horse’s name?click to show

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Professor QB’s Funny Five

How do you know when Enoch is at the door? click to show

How long did Cain hate his brother?click to show

How do you study the third Gospel?click to show

Did you know Honda cars are mentioned in the Bible?click to show

How do we know the Apostle Paul wants you to eat your vegetables?click to show

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Professor QB’s Funny Five

Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? click to show

What kind of motorcycle is mentioned in the Bible?click to show

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?click to show

Did all the animals on the ark come in pairs?click to show

What was Methuselah’s favorite song?click to show

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If you took away an elephant’s trunk how would it smell?click to show

What cheers you up when you are sick? click to show

What weighs 5,000 lbs and wears glass slippers? click to show

What time is it when ten elephants are chasing you? click to show

What do elephants do for fun? click to show

What game do elephants like to play the most? click to show

Why do elephants paint their toe nails red? click to show

Why do elephants hide in strawberry patches? click to show

Why do elephants stomp on people? click to show

(more…)

Duck Jokes

Why do ducks fly south for the winter? click to show

Which side of the duck has the most feathers? click to show

A duck walks into a feed store and asks, “Got any duck feed?”

The clerk tells him, “No, we don’t have a market for it so we don’t carry it.”

The duck says, “Okay,” and leaves.

The next day, the duck again walks in to the feed store and asks, “Got any duck feed?” Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck once again walks in, and asks, “Got any duck feed?” The clerk says, “I’ve told you twice, we don’t have duck feed, we’ve never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I’ll nail your feet to the floor.” The duck leaves.

The next day, the duck walks in and asks, “Got any nails?”

“No.”

“Got any duck feed?”

What do you call a crate of ducks? click to show

What time does a duck wake up? click to show

Listen to Professor QB, Fun Guy and Patrick tell some of the funniest and a few of the dumbest jokes you have ever heard. These are funny and clean jokes.

The funny jokes are great kids jokes but they are also funny for the whole family.

You will like the offbeat humor.

So turn up your speakers and get ready to laugh.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Why did the clown stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?click to show

Why do clowns hate M&Ms?click to show

A clown had to make a lot of cookies for a party. His mom said he could just double recipe, but it did not work…click to show

Why don’t you ever see a clown pharmacist?click to show

A guy needed to check to see if his turn signal was working. He stopped by a clown in the front yard of a birthday party and asked the clown if the turn signal was working. The clown said…click to show

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